I didn’t invite my mom to my wedding so that my mother-in-law would be happy.
Women usually feel happy after getting married. Still, everyone knows that disagreements can happen, and they’re usually caused by mothers-in-law. These can ruin the happy occasion. Recently, Lara, a bride who was just getting married, reached out to me online for comfort and advice after something very upsetting happened at her wedding.
This is what she wrote in her letter:
“My adoptive family took care of me from the time I was a baby. My childhood was stable, but two years ago, my biological mother, Clara, came back into my life. At first, it was hard for me to forgive her for not hearing from me in years, but as she told me her story, I could relate. She chose to give me up for adoption because she was young, single, and didn’t have the resources to raise a child. She is a modest woman who doesn’t have a college degree or much money. Still, I enjoyed having her in my life and felt lucky to have two mothers.
Along the same lines, I’ve been seeing my now-husband for four years. Like my adoptive family, he comes from a wealthy background. My mother-in-law wasn’t happy when my biological mother came back into my life.
My MIL always looked down on her and kept her out of family events because she didn’t think she belonged with us.
My MIL paid for everything for our big day, but there was one catch: Mama Clara couldn’t go to the fancy event. I felt terrible. Not only did I really want her to be there, but I also didn’t want to risk making things more difficult with my in-laws.
That’s why I told myself, “My birth mom didn’t show up to any of my important events as a child, so it should be fine for her to miss this one too.” When I told her what I had decided, she just nodded.
As I got ready to walk to the altar on the big day, someone tapped me on the back and gave me a letter. When I turned around, Mama Clara was waving from a parked taxi. When the ceremonial music started, though, I couldn’t talk to her, so I just walked in.
I read her touching letter right after the ceremony. In it, she talked about how she had always wanted to meet me and how sad she was that she couldn’t be there for such an important event. She wrote that she understood my situation and had chosen to leave my life because she didn’t want to be a source of shame or trouble…
Since then, I haven’t been able to call her or visit her apartment. Now I’m dealing with the pain of losing her again. I know I’ve hurt you, and I don’t know how to fix our relationship. I need to fix things but I don’t know how.
Sincerely,
Lara”
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