My wife makes more money than I do, but she won’t help my parents who are elderly.
A man who is 35 years old wrote us to tell us about a tough situation in his family. He told them how angry he was that his wife wouldn’t help his parents financially and take care of them. He doesn’t understand how she can act that way when she treats her own parents so differently.
Patrick is really upset about how things are going with his family.
Patrick, a 35-year-old man, got in touch with us to talk about a tough situation in his family. He was angry and upset about how his wife treated his parents differently than she did with her own.
Patrick wrote in his letter, “Laura and I have been happily married for over 5 years.” With her well-paying job in the private sector, she makes a lot more money than I do. We’ve always split our money, with her putting in 70% and me putting in 30%.
He went on to talk about their families’ histories, saying, “Laura’s parents came to our country to give their daughters a better life.” Laura and her sister Margaret both have successful jobs. Margaret is a surgeon and Laura is an architect. But my parents only have one child and their jobs don’t pay very well. There is a big difference between how much money our families have.
A month after month, Laura helps her parents out financially.
Patrick said this about Laura’s behavior toward her parents: “Laura has always had a special bond with her parents.” As of recently, they retired, and Laura and her sister Margaret give them $3,000 a month in cash, which I think is too much since they have pensions. I don’t understand why they need $6,000.”
In response to the difference in money, Patrick said, “Laura told me that this money doesn’t come from our joint account.” But when I suggested doing the same thing to help my retired parents, Laura’s response surprised me. She told me that I should help them if I could afford to do so with the money I made. Seeing this made me angry and shocked. My parents only depend on me, but Laura and her sister are financially stable, which makes her parents happy no matter what.
Patrick is sure that this situation is not fair.
He said, “My dad has Parkinson’s disease, and his health is getting worse very quickly.” The doctors told us that his condition will get worse over time. Besides that, my mom is sick and can’t take care of my dad’s needs because she’s not strong enough. We can’t afford a live-in caregiver, so the only thing that makes sense is to put my dad in a care facility, which means that he will have to be away from my mom. What’s frustrating is that Laura knows what’s going on and her parents are healthy right now.
He came to the conclusion, “Laura offering financial help wouldn’t have a big effect on her finances, but it would help my parents a lot.” I can’t help but think she’s being selfish, because if the roles were reversed, I would definitely back her and her parents.
He chose to ask his parents what they thought.
Patrick talked about how upset he was that his wife didn’t want to help his parents with money. He told her, “I just got off the phone with my parents to complain about how unfair things are.” I had to talk to someone. My parents listened to me, but they agreed with Laura that she wasn’t required to give them money. They think that our family should be able to handle all of our problems on its own. I thought they would answer this way, but I think they need to change the way they think.”
Patrick thought about what had happened and said, “I’m not sure who’s right anymore.” Would it be wrong for me to ask my wife to help my parents? I still think it’s a reasonable request.
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