I never make my son say sorry and thank you because it could traumatize him.

STORY May 16, 2024 · 0 Comment
There are many different parenting styles, and each has its own supporters and people who like it. Some parents think it’s important to be strict, while others think it’s more important to be kind and understanding. Emma fits into the second group. She wrote to us online not only to share her unique way of raising children, but also to get advice from other parents, since she has often been criticized for how she raises her children.

Emma chose to break the cycle in her family.

Emma, who is 38 years old, wrote us a letter from the heart: “Hello, I’ve always admired your platform as a reliable source where people freely express their opinions on different topics.” I’ve often replied to other people’s posts on your page in the past, giving them advice and telling them how I saw the stories they were sharing. Now I want to know what your audience thinks about what’s going on with my son.

“My son, Georgie, is eight years old,” the woman began her story. I’ve always known I wanted to have kids. I decided to break the cycle in my family by becoming a less combative parent when I found out I was pregnant.

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The strict way her parents raised her had an effect on her mental health.

As a result of her own harsh childhood, the woman says, “Growing up under the strict rule of my parents, I’ve come to understand the consequences of such an authoritarian upbringing.” Not only was it hard for me, but for everyone in our family as well. The constant stress made me anxious, and my self-esteem went down. I had trouble getting along with my parents.

It took me years to realize how bad this place was for my mental health. I made a conscious effort to face these challenges as I got older, though. When raising kids, it’s important to find a balance between being strict and being understanding.
That’s why I want to give my son a safe place to live where love, respect, and honest communication are valued. He won’t have to go through the same hard times I did. But my husband doesn’t think this is the best way to raise a child. He thinks Georgie should know what is expected of him and what will happen if he doesn’t follow the rules.

Her son never says sorry when he’s not sorry.

The mother chose to teach her son empathy without making him be polite on purpose. She says, “I’ve decided that I will never make my child say sorry or thank you or please ever again.” I really think that this approach will be very bad for his mental health.

The mom explained her point of view: “We teach kids to be fake when we make them say sorry even if they don’t mean it.” It’s okay if your child doesn’t really feel bad about what they did. Kids need time to learn how to care about others and understand how their actions affect others.
Kids learn that other people’s feelings are more important than their own when they are forced to say sorry. When we’re upset or having a fight, we need some time to calm down and figure out what we did wrong. This way of thinking helps us understand our part in the issue and own up to our mistakes.
We don’t give kids time to think when we want them to say sorry right away. Also, we tell them to forget about how they feel and only think about the other person. This could cause adults to always want to please other people, find it hard to stand up for themselves, and not know how to get what they want. That’s why Georgie doesn’t say sorry when she doesn’t mean to.

Emma writes in her letter about something that happened recently on the playground: “When Georgie pushed another kid on the playground, I came up to this kid and apologized instead of making him.” I think Georgie would learn how to act in that situation by watching how I do it. Emma’s letter says that the child’s mother didn’t like this and told Georgie to say sorry. “When I told her that my son wouldn’t apologize because it would traumatize him, she called me ‘A bad and irresponsible mother’ for letting my son behave this way,’” Emma writes.

Many of her family and friends are mean to her.

Emma continues her story, “What happened at the playground made our argument with my husband about parenting even worse.” I don’t agree with his insistence on stricter rules. If someone wants to protect their own reputation as a good parent, they might hit their child or be mean to them to control what they do. This could be because they are scared or don’t know what to do.
I want to be my son’s friend, help him understand how he feels, and go through life with him. The child learns about freedom, responsibility, and how those things affect other people this way. I don’t ignore my boss; I just don’t think I’m better than my son.
The bond between Georgie and I is already very strong. If I feel too busy, I’ll tell him that I need some time to myself. As he learns from me, he will tell me if he needs space.

Emma ends her letter by saying, “Even though I’ve always been sure of my parenting choices and seen good results, the constant criticism from my husband and other parents has made me doubt them.” I hope the people in your audience can help me. “What do you think about this?”

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